04. I Love Me More - Jenna Banks

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[00:00:36] Jenna: Absolutely not.

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[00:01:05] Meredith: I'm hosting this show because after unraveling all of the medical lies I had been told about endometriosis. I educated myself and I was able to heal myself. Whether it's endometriosis or any other painful disorder labeled as chronic, we expose the lesser known solutions that can heal your mind, body, and spirit.

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[00:01:51] Meredith: The artwork asks the question, what follicles are you forming? Follow the series and watch for its release on the last Friday of this month and be the first to see it by subscribing at my website, meredith ochoa.com. And while you're on the site, be sure to pick up a signed copy of my book. Face Your Shit, heal Yourself, capturing all of the art pieces from the first year of the series.

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[00:02:38] Meredith: A public speaker and host of the Jenna Bank Show, Ruth's work has been featured in media outlets that include Forbes, pop Sugar, A B C N B C, and c E o, world Magazine. Having survived unimaginable trauma in her childhood and young adulthood, she eventually thrived. Both in her life and her career, she attributes most of her success to overcoming shame and a lack of self-worth to learning how to love and accept herself fully flaws and all.

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[00:03:20] Meredith:

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[00:03:27] Jenna: I'm doing great. How are you, Meredith?

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[00:03:37] Jenna: Oh, pretty much what I always have, which tends to be around 12 or one o'clock, a banana.

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[00:03:46] Jenna: Yeah. I don't tend to eat breakfast. I don't get hungry early for some reason, which is a good.

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[00:03:58] Jenna: Never. Never heard of it. . That's awesome. One of a kind. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Never heard of that at all.

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[00:04:12] I do love peanut butter and banana. That's something I grew up on. Oh, so yeah. Awesome. Have you had that?

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[00:04:22] Meredith: Totally perfect. Maybe a little salt. .

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[00:04:31] Meredith: Yeah. Oh, it's awesome. All right. So. For those who are perhaps struggling with self-love, we have Jenna Banks, who is a self-love expert, and she is full of all kinds of information about this subject, which I feel like is very mystified for a lot of people.

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[00:05:13] Jenna: Thank you. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense though, right?

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[00:05:35] Jenna: So I had, recently broken up with a boyfriend of mine that I was dating at the time. We weren't that far into it, maybe five months. And, but I was quite in love. I was pretty attached. Really wanted it to work, but it was clearly not working for me. I could tell I wasn't going to get what I needed from the relationship.

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[00:06:17] Jenna: I was pretty brokenhearted, but mind you, I was the one who broke it off and she couldn't understand that. She's I don't understand why you would break it up with somebody, cuz I know how much you love him. You guys seem great together. and I said, because I love me more, it just naturally came out of my mouth.

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[00:06:56] Jenna: and even if that means breaking my own heart, because that will be temporary, but this is clearly not meeting my needs, she could not understand it. She really couldn't understand it. And so she asked me some more questions through the dinner and, I just kept explaining as best as I could. And, I didn't realize that it still hadn't clicked for her.

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[00:07:35] Jenna: Well. And so one day it clicked. He had just pulled some shenanigans on her, obviously showing him or her how much he did not value her as she needed to value herself. She realized, I need to value myself. I need to love me more and get away from this. And I was like, exactly. She said, so that gave me the power and the knowledge to walk away.

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[00:08:24] and that they were getting so much out of it. So she asked me the next pivotal question, which is, It would be really helpful to understand how you got to where you are today, to where you could put yourself first and choose to love you more. and I was like, well, of course I wanted to help. And so I thought about it and then I started journaling about it.

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[00:09:09] Jenna: To conceive the idea of writing the book, because I was already starting to journal about it, and I thought, oh my goodness. if I can share through my own journey and my own stories and hel and because we de, we do tend to learn best, well, some of us do anyway, learn best through other people's stories.

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[00:09:37] Meredith: what a great story. It's literally like the proof right there of how impactful, just that statement, and really this whole concept is for people just right there.

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[00:10:18] and then there's even the, oh, I already love myself and I'm good. I don't need that kind of rhetoric. So could you kind of clear that up for us? The distinctions ?

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[00:10:38] they act synergistically really. But I like to think of self care. As, well I like to see, think of self-love as stopping what I call the drains of your power container. So imagine you have this power container that rests in your soul and houses your energy, your power, and you're either, draining your power.

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[00:11:33] Jenna: To really no good, to no end in the end. I mean, everyone benefits when you're powerful, when you're fully energized. Cause what happens is when you have a full power container, you feel amazing. You feel energized. You feel like you can tackle anything that you set your mind to. You're happy, you're vibrant, and you become more magnetic.

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[00:12:29] Jenna: your parents or other adults or they didn't have boundaries and that wasn't shown to you. Then we learn these bad habits related to boundaries. That's just one of them, but that drains our power. self-love. Keeps that power your own and helps you learn to set boundaries because you wanna retain your power and self-care is what I call a charger.

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[00:13:09] Jenna: Reading a good book, taking a walk out in nature, listening to music if that's your thing. And it really, what self-care is personal to every individual. So what is Self-care to me might look very different to you. I like reading spiritual books. That really just charges me up.

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[00:13:42] Meredith: basis.

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[00:14:06] Meredith: Yeah. Right. .

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[00:14:23] same thing. We have to like tune into our power container and say, how am I feeling? , am I feeling half full? Am I fully charged up? Am I totally drained? That is your, if you're totally drained, that is your clue that you need to go and take care of yourself. And that means not looking to anyone else to do it for you.

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[00:14:57] Meredith: Absolutely. And so empowering to what you were saying, especially about boundaries that, create our sovereignty through loving ourselves, just really going within and it's like just this untapped power source.

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[00:15:26] Jenna: Yeah, exactly.

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[00:15:38] Meredith: Just really. Yeah. Which we're gonna talk about, which they're so, yeah, they're so brilliant. it's the I love me more, title plus the reminders. It's just so, it seems like so simple, but it's very deep. and it's that kind of practice that I feel like is very overlooked. And just like you said, it took me years.

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[00:16:26] Meredith: Everyone should sign up. . How can they stop that Addictively Vicious Cycle. Of the self-sacrificing and the self martyr. Which really, which goes along people pleasing

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[00:16:50] Jenna: They're so cool. the wrote the book I wrote in 2020, which was such an intense. Journey of just jotting down all my stories and connecting the dots between certain self-love concepts so I can articulate it well for people to understand and to develop it in a format that makes sense. It's like a roadmap, essentially, like a guide to loving yourself more.

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[00:17:35] Jenna: And so the idea is to help you get there faster. So it's like those gentle little reminders like, oh yeah. , I need to remember this. Or, oh yeah. my self-worth isn't tied up in things outside of me and, oh yeah, I don't need to please others. You know, that's, like I need to focus on making sure I'm pleasing myself, that'll keep me grounded in self-love.

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[00:18:24] Jenna: We don't want to even think about it because we shut it off at the past because the thought of putting ourselves first sounds absolutely selfish. And so understanding that it's not selfish. In fact, everyone around you benefits. When you have a full power container, because when you are full of your own love, you literally have so much more to give.

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[00:19:11] Jenna: But yeah, the love notes to myself are just those really gentle bite-sized reminders that you get in your inbox every Monday through Friday, so five days a week, and they are just loving little reminders written in the. Idea of a love note. You know, like it would be like, Meredith, my love, or my dear Meredith, you know?

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[00:19:49] Jenna: And I'm doing this research on neuroplasticity right now, and I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Well, why that works or why? That's why that's addictive. Well, this is a good addiction because you should be addicted to saying, thinking nice thoughts about yourself. because the opposite is what most of us tend to do, which is think negative thoughts about ourselves.

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[00:20:30] Jenna: Feel, feel nice things about ourselves. Instead of thinking negative thoughts like I should have done better or You suck, or just think about all the times we talk negatively about ourselves. This is to create a better, more positive self-talk addiction. That's a good addiction.

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[00:20:59] Meredith: Yeah. And self martyrdom. And you know, I've said, , you know, they'll build you a statue if you suffer enough . it's like that's how it is celebrated. So just those little things, it's, they're not little, they may seem little, but it's like they pack such a punch when you have that consistent, like you said, dopamine hit and the just re you know, being able to receive something nice about yourself and accept that about yourself, it.

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[00:21:47] Jenna: Mm-hmm. , it just makes my heart really warm. So, and it's nice to know that, they're impacting someone's day in a positive way, so,

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[00:22:14] Jenna: You know, I was writing about this week actually, for my Instagram page. This really is my key focus is self-love and power. And you know, as we talked about a little bit earlier, the power container concept really gives a good visual around your power, because I don't believe. In fact, I know most women don't think about power in a positive way, typically when they think about of it for themselves.

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[00:22:57] Jenna: And women don't tend to want that, so we go, oh no, I don't want power. I really think we need to shift that on its head. I totally shift the perspective on power for women, because you're right, we don't, that's a different kind of power. . It is a masculine type of power that W doesn't resonate with our souls, but the idea of power in the fact that we are powerful people.

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[00:23:51] Jenna: What someone else thinks I should be doing. If my grandmother had her way, I would be working in nine to five with a study 401k. You know, and benefits, and that would make her happy and believe you me, she wielded a lot of power in our family and could have had that impact on me because I know she had an impact on many others.

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[00:24:32] Jenna: So power is something you have. You don't get it from outside sources. That's not real power. You can, but it, as Deepak Chopra says, that power only lasts as long as those sources of power lasts. So if you have a title, a certain job, If anything takes those things away from you, you've lost your power. And that's not real power.

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[00:25:25] Jenna: Absolutely not, because when we do that, we're just setting them up to not to love themselves either, you know? Yeah. We have to be the role models of what self-love looks like and see mommy taking care of herself, pursuing your passions, being happy, being fulfilled, having energy, showing them what that looks like when you have a full power container.

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[00:26:08] Jenna: and how you're not plugging in your cell phone at the end of each day. It doesn't have to be the end. Could be the beginning, could be the middle. , but you gotta plug that cell phone in every day and charge up with self-care, meaning take care of yourself, pamper yourself. Go get that massage. If you need that massage, do it.

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[00:26:28] Such an important message for. the world today in everyone feeling disempowered or having this idea that it comes from the outside, which has so many people on that vampiric. Yes. You know, outside of myself.

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[00:26:59] Jenna: and that breeds insecurity. So if you, the control and all of that is because you're insecure, you don't want that source of power to go away.

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[00:27:26] Jenna: You just gotta realize it. . And and you know, and also it takes a lot of energy to focus on having power over somebody else and getting power from others. You're actually still draining your power that way. So,

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[00:27:44] Meredith: So on that note of power, in my experience, I feel like self-love has been that missing aspect in the law of attraction and manifestation. Which is how a lot of people now equate what is powerful and who is powerful people that can manifest what they want in their lives. Yeah. So what would you say is that connection between self-love and being able to manifest

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[00:28:13] , because when you have a full power container, you are magnetic. And that's what Law of Attraction is magnetizing those things to you, you know, Ronda Burns and all. What was it? who does Law of Attraction? the Secret. . Well, that is Ronda Burns. Yeah. Yep. All those law of Attraction teachers teach that you need to, be in a positive state, right?

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[00:28:50] Jenna: That make you happy, taking care of yourself. Signing up for an online course, going to get new headshots for LinkedIn, making sure your wardrobe makes you feel confident and happy about yourself. The making sure that you are charged up so that you then feel good. And when you feel good, and I'm not just talking about like feeling good because you got plastic surgery and now you think you look good to the outside world, it's not that.

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[00:29:41] Jenna: And you know, people start saying hi to you out of nowhere. They just smile. They give you a different reflection. The world reflects back to you a different face than you're used to seeing if you're not charging yourself up on a regular basis. For example, me, I took very well. as I went through this journey, through my life of those times when I'd be out in the world, let's say, shopping at a grocery store, interacting with, you know, people on a, on the daily, I would see the reaction to me as either negative or positive.

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[00:30:47] Meredith: Yeah, I saw the secret and. Years ago, and when I learned years later about boundaries, self-love, I was like, this is that missing part that isn't in that documentary and isn't talked about nearly enough because it's.

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[00:31:31] Meredith: Kind of in a space like that, in a space where they're just maybe coming around to this idea and not really understanding how to love themselves and feeling completely disempowered by either an illness or their financial space in the world, what would you say to them?

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[00:31:52] Jenna: themselves. yeah, I mean, I've been there. I've been there and the times that I just started following my heart and doing what was best for me is when I started getting on a right track. You know, I'd say take a look and see are.

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[00:32:30] Jenna: That's a big one. because so many of us live that way and it causes so much unhappiness and, we're not in alignment with who we really are and what we really want for our lives and. Unfortunately, there's a, you're not alone. Uh, ton of people operate from these shoulds. And, that has always led me wrong.

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[00:33:12] Jenna: You've gotta trust your intuition, trust your instincts, trust the call that's pulling you in a certain direction, and take some risks and believe in yourself. Sometimes that might mean you know. Taking that $30,000 whatever degree, and going backwards for a minute, but that's what you really wanna do.

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[00:33:47] Jenna: Because if you can't trust. then, you can find yourself looking for fulfillment in all kinds of external sources. Yeah. And really ultimately it comes down to our relationship with ourself is number one key, number one, if you can get that working, and how would you start? Well, I'd say start by getting to know yourself and we're not talking, sitting in your head and thinking, because thinking is a, you know, I get caught in that trap sometime, and that's a terrible loop to get stuck in your mind.

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[00:34:42] Jenna: And so one of the ways I found you can do that is journaling. Yeah. It's a very good practice. So, read up on the best ways to journal, but honestly, the way I started was just writing whatever comes to mind, whatever I felt like writing about. Not like you're writing a book to. Or that you're writing for someone else to read, but just write about whatever's on your mind.

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[00:35:20] Jenna: Agreed. Cause agree, . Yeah. And you know what, by the way, also a lot of religions and. Our spiritual text. I'm reading a book right now about Mary Magdalene, the Lost Text of Mary Magdalene. She was a, close disciple apostle of Jesus. Unfortunately, her words did not get put in the Bible, but, she talks about that you know, it's really important, like you, yourself, like there's no power.

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[00:36:15] Jenna: It's all inside. So that's the key. Gotta get inside. Amen.

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[00:36:33] Jenna: New normal is everybody being in their power, not just women. I focus on women because we need a lot of help in this area because of some. Deep seated programming and conditioning that goes along with our gender roles.

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[00:37:13] Jenna: That's your power that you give to them, and then you get all caught up in the drama of it, and then your, you know, power goes to then the ne the other party who then can pull your heartstrings the other way. But that's your attention, your energy, your power, which could be diverted any way you want.

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[00:37:59] Jenna: And that has a ripple effect. It's not that many people that need to get there. If we can tip the scale get enough of us there, it actually raises consciousness and takes the whole planet with them. Imagine if we can focus on our individual selves being peaceful and happy and contented and fulfilled and powerful, we can tip the scale and drag the whole rest of the world along with us.

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[00:38:28] And I wanna live in that world as, as well, especially, what you were saying about the gender roles with women. That could be an entire other show, entire other episode that we just have that as a subject because there is. , there's centuries of programming.

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[00:39:22] Meredith: Bringing people back Yeah. To themselves. .

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[00:39:40] Jenna: And so, we may, you know, I've had plenty of positive reviews in my book and I've had a few negative ones because, hey, my story didn't resonate with them. And they look at the world very differently. That's, Love you too. You know, like we just have to, know that not everyone's words are going to affect everyone the same way.

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[00:40:05] And I mean, sometimes even when we piss people off, it's for the best .

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[00:40:10] Meredith: Sometimes Yeah. Challenges your truth and what you really believe, so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. don't know if you're ready, but I am.

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[00:40:26] Jenna: Oh, yes. Okay. Yes. Give it to me .

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[00:40:42] Jenna: Okay, so that I, you're asking the right person with me because I love art. I'm kind of obsessed with it.

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[00:41:24] A one phrase that comes to mind is design, own self be true. Awesome. . Yeah, so just saying that in this cool artistic style with some neon, I would die for that.

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[00:41:45] Jenna: up all the time.

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[00:41:48] Meredith: cool. Yeah.

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[00:42:02] Meredith: Shout out to Jeremy Brown. I don't know if you know my friend Jeremy Brown.

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[00:42:13] Jenna: really cool. Oh my goodness. . I think I know, I think I've seen his work. Yeah. Yeah. He's local here in Atlanta, right? He is

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[00:42:21] Jenna: Lian. Jessica? Yeah. Love is Art. Okay. You're reminding me. I need to go check him out. is he's specifically working with Neon, right?

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[00:42:30] Meredith: yeah. An abstract mixed media resin. Really cool.

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[00:42:43] Meredith: that. Oh yeah. Jeremy's awesome. So cool. So that's such a great answer and would be such an amazing piece. So thanks for sharing that with us.

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[00:43:13] the easiest way is to visit my website, jenna banks.com, and there you'll find links to my book.

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[00:43:47] Jenna: So Power, F U L Women Plus is the channel, and then the Jenna Bank shows on there. But again, if you just go to my website, you'll see links to everything and all the things that I'm up to and can sign up for my newsletter and all that good stuff.

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[00:44:07] Meredith: So no worries. But yeah, like I said, it's just been always so refreshing talking with you and we'll definitely have to have you on again to talk about all the deprogramming from , the feminine world that we're doing, from these just centuries. Lies , essentially. Yeah.

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[00:44:33] Jenna: I love it. Let's do it. . Sweet.

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[00:44:50] Thank you so very much for listening to this episode of Face Your Shit, heal Yourself. If you liked the episode or you think it would be useful for someone else, please leave a review on pod chaser.com as well as YouTube. and As always, the truth will set you free.