12. Breath & Boundaries with Krista Resnick

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[00:00:10] Krista: Now, in today's world, I have not met anyone yet who's running from a saber-tooth tiger. But we are running or fighting a lot of things like our critical boss, or the guy that cut us off in traffic. Or the conversation that we're still ruminating on from book club last week when somebody said something that deeply hurt us.

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[00:01:09] Meredith: What makes you different from the person next to you? What do you stand for? What do you stand against? What uniquely defines the you that you call by your name? They're called boundaries. And you've probably heard of them, but you probably haven't ever heard how they're going to be presented in this episode as we chat about how asserting boundaries and being seen for who you truthfully are actually brings you closer and more connected with others instead of acting as a divider.

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[00:02:08] Meredith: So who am I and why did I decide to create this show? Good question. After unraveling all of the medical lies and pharmaceutical lies I've been told about my endometriosis, I educated myself and I was able to heal myself after 17 years of debilitating pain. On this show, whether it's endo or any other disorder labeled as chronic, We expose the lesser known solutions that can heal your mind, your body, and your spirit.

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[00:03:06] Meredith: I am actually living the art. So it is about more than just healing. The writing and art discuss truth, freedom, and our current financial and health care system slavery. And the way out. Watch for the newest release of each piece on the last Friday of this month and be the first to see it by subscribing on my website, MarithOchoa.

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[00:03:56] Meredith: Having spent decades pleasing and performing, Krista finally hit a moment where she recognized how exhausted and passionless she is in every aspect of her life. Through her own personal healing work, she began to find great empowerment through the art of creating a strong back, soft front, and expressing her wild heart for truth.

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[00:04:42] Meredith: Krista Resnick. Wow. I am stoked to have you on. How has your day been so far?

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[00:05:16] Krista: Very nice. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I

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[00:05:24] Krista: Normally the norm is two hours to myself moving slow, quiet, meditation, breath work. And I did do some of that this morning, but typically, I don't plan much before 10:00 AM so today was rare. And a special treat, sometimes you gotta mix it up.

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[00:05:47] Krista: I intermittent fast, so no. Okay. Wow. Yeah, I not eat breakfast anymore. I was a big breakfast person, but as I have approached my late forties,

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[00:06:05] Meredith: Nice. Well, and it saves on the grocery bill. It does.

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[00:06:12] Meredith: Totally. Cool. So while we're on the topic of eating, facing our shit, Here on the show, I'd love to chat just about that, you know how you came to face your own shit and I feel like that's just led you to becoming this phenomenal boundary Master coach, how you implemented that and just how you work with clients today.

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[00:06:39] Krista: Oh, well that's a big question, but I think really the nuts and bolts was,I got sick of my own shit. Mm-hmm. I really had this. Conditioned tendency, pattern, survival skill, however you wanna label it, however you wanna frame that up, of pretending my life was, I don't wanna say perfect, but perfect.

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[00:07:35] Krista: My nervous system was on such high alert for who's upset with me. Who do I need to please? what should I be doing that I'm not doing? All of those things. I was just in this constant frenetic energy, this very hypervigilant state, and it was wreaking havoc on my nervous system, and so it finally got to the point where I just internally knew I.

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[00:08:35] Krista: Something had to shift. And of course I entered this industry thinking that, it was everybody else that needed to shift, not me. Oh yeah. I wasn't the problem, but clearly that wasn't the truth. So that's how I had that moment. there wasn't necessarily a lying flat on my back type moment like a lot of folks have.

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[00:09:22] Krista: And I had this realization that's what my life felt like. It was as if I was. Waking up in the morning and being jostled to and fro all over the place with everybody else's needs, wants, desires, and I was so ungrounded. So that was my defining moment. Wow.

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[00:09:52] Meredith: I always like to say, it all comes out in the wash, Eventually it all comes out eventually. Yeah. Bigger picture. So that really just struck me. Yeah. To just see them and it's like that's in our lives, getting slapped around in the ocean of like just people's crap and like your, our own crap and emotions.

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[00:10:15] Krista: Yeah. Yeah.

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[00:10:34] Krista: Chuck Perfect doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. But it's about providing yourself with the tools to support yourself. Yeah.

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[00:10:43] Meredith: And you talked about the nervous system, which is I feel like a hot topic of conversation right now. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so important, I'm glad it's a hot topic because that it really is the measure of success, a calm, nervous system regulating your nervous system.

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[00:11:15] Krista: yeah. So we have two, and I don't wanna get too complex.

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[00:12:10] Krista: Or sometimes that can look like moving away from, so I equate that to putting your sneakers on and getting the heck outta dodge and maybe literally leaving the premises or that might mm-hmm. Look like burying yourself in work. And right not coming home from the office till, seven, eight o'clock at night because there's something that you're avoiding, right?

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[00:12:58] Krista: A lot of people use the word calm and that's when our thinking brain turns on, and we could actually make decisions from a clear, authentic place of integrity, as I like to say. Is when we've got that prefrontal cortex turned on and we're in that ventral vagal state. Now, the other part of the parasympathetic nervous system is called dorsal vagal, and that's when we have that sort of down and out energy.

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[00:14:02] Krista: And I do also wanna say something that's really coming through strongly right now. Yeah. Is that sympathetic or the dorsal vagal state? Aren't necessarily negative, they're not necessarily a problem as we wanna label that in today's world. It's all information. It's all information. We get to look at our nervous system state and ask ourselves, okay, is there something right now in this moment that I could utilize or rely on to shift?

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[00:15:02] Krista: I just wanna disappear. So none of these states are wrong. It's just noticing, slowing down and examining is there a tool that I could lean into right now? For me, it's the breath. It's always the breath. It's the quickest, fastest way to bring me in connection with myself. So, yeah, the breath, we can definitely connect, bring our awareness to what's underneath us.

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[00:16:00] Krista: those are the two that seem to be. The quickest and the easiest that folks really tend to be able to rely on without a lot of obstacles. The breath, again, I just can't speak highly enough about the breath, because that is truly Power of the breath is everything.

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[00:16:22] Meredith: Yeah. Helps so much with grounding, like what you said, just going outside and connecting to the earth. we aren't even present to like what we're walking on. Yeah. On a day-to-day, like our place we're so like, it's like in the microscopic view of our lives that we forget that like we're on a planet in space that's alive.

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[00:16:59] Krista: Yeah, exactly. And I love that you even said, I noticed that you said in a strange way, and I think so often we.

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[00:17:45] Krista: Around your hairline, around your jaw. My jaw is where I hold a lot of tension. Okay? Even bringing your hands, your fingers to your ears, because that's where you know so much of our nervous system. It goes from, brainstem and it runs through our face to the gut. So really taking that time to connect with the face can be really important.

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[00:18:12] Krista: good. It feels so nourishing and so nurturing. Yeah. Absolutely.

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[00:18:25] Meredith: I wish though, that I would've known about your work and. Just grounding and enjoying the journey just throughout my healing journey. Yeah. And of course, your amazing podcast you were talking about a little earlier, how much value it's provided me. There's so many golden nuggets of. Wisdom in each episode.

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[00:18:58] What boundaries really are

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[00:19:14] Meredith: I act, I took my life back. Yeah. And I. Yeah. And I know, that's your world. Yeah. And yeah, it's I feel like it's the missing key that like no one talks about in like the law of attraction and manifestation and Yeah. and in just self-empowerment and self-love, and it's that little key that is so, Mystified for a lot of people and it was such a huge part of me healing from endometriosis and it just shifted my entire quality of life.

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[00:19:55] Krista: Oh gosh. I love that question so much, and I do have to say it's. I always, I don't wanna say I struggle, that almost seems too strong of a word. I don't struggle, but I I'm struggling in the moment to formulate the correct word that I actually wanna use.

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[00:20:36] Krista: Over and over. But then there was a time where I recognized that also in and of itself was a pattern. I was hardening. Mm-hmm. I was hardening, I was armored, and I needed to have Yes, a strong back. And I also needed to have a soft front. And be open to vulnerability and to love and to connection. I was cutting myself off from those very important vital things.

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[00:21:35] Krista: I've defined boundaries in my work different ways in different seasons of my life. Currently, how I love to define boundaries is that they're all about being honest with who you are and the capacity that you have in this season of your life. That's truly what boundaries are. They're saying, that didn't feel good the way you spoke to me so often we just have trouble saying that.

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[00:22:39] Krista: And so often we're so afraid to just. Show up exactly as we are for fear of judgment. For fear of rejection, for fear of shame creeping to the surface. And so boundaries are really this tangible way that we get to, to put a stake in the ground and say, No. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.and let's unpack that a little bit.

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[00:23:18] Meredith: Yeah, definitely. And I think a lot of people, it's like, what's you're voting for? It's like what you're saying Yes

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[00:23:41] Krista: So I always like to unpack things by using personal examples and stories, but it was probably about a year ago where, My husband and I were at a social event out in the community, and there was somebody that came up to me that wanted to share a joke with me, and it was some sort of a dumb meme on his phone actually, is what it was.

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[00:24:28] Krista: My nervous system wanted to just appease. Like I wanted to go into Fawn mode and just go along to get along and ha Oh, that's so funny. yeah. I could feel all of the symptoms rising up in my body, which for me, Always is the lump in the throat always is the temperature of my body increasing?

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[00:25:11] Krista: That might be another way of saying it. We need to share what we value here. We need to be honest. We do not think that joke is humorous. And that was the fork in the road. I could go along to get along. Yes. But the following day, I would've been really disappointed in myself. I maybe even would've had a dull headache.

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[00:25:58] Krista: Yeah.

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[00:26:21] Meredith: Yep. And it's It's actually for you. It boundaries are for you. That's why it's connected to self-love. Yes. That it's like it's you. And I don't think a lot of people really know that.

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[00:26:55] Krista: Like what are my standards? I don't run in communities or groups of women that bash on other women. That's a standard that I have for myself. I don't hang out with people that talk down to me or are critical. That's a standard that I have for myself. Yeah. I have a standard of moving my body mindfully and kindly every single day, like, so I think that can be really helpful.

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[00:27:35] Meredith: Yeah, and they change as we grow and change. Just like you were saying, they're living things.

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[00:27:56] Krista: said. Yeah. Yeah. Boundaries get to be very fluid and shift.

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[00:28:22] Krista: When we lean into really rigid boundaries. Again, not making it wrong, there are times to gain our self confidence and a little bit of strength. We need to just draw a hard line in the sand and if we stay in that place, there's a really good chance that we're talking about rigidity, just simply being another coping mechanism.

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[00:29:02] Asserting Boundaries

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[00:29:08] Meredith: Asserting boundaries, standing for themselves and the, and honoring those. And, it's a practice and it's not wrong. There's no, it's not right or wrong. it's a practice and you're growing through it all. Yeah. And inherently that reveals toxic people and toxic situations. When you start standing for yourself, when you start announcing who you are, you're gonna form not only people that like you, but people that don't like you because you're making a statement.

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[00:30:02] Meredith: How we can begin to start to recognize and break free of those patterns. And I realize it's a whole spectrum out there. Like when you start asserting boundaries, not everyone's gonna be a fan, or not everyone's even gonna understand. I'm not saying they're a narcissist or anything, but I'd love to chat a little

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[00:30:22] Meredith: How people can start to really recognize those patterns and break free of them, those toxic patterns when they start to be revealed. When you start asserting your boundaries and you're like, oh, this person is like this, or that's like that.

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[00:30:57] Meredith: It's very common that this happens when you're like, I wanna hang out with people that actually respond back to me. And people in this world, people, it's so calm, there's so many things that are bulldozing that are just societally accepted. So many gaslights, so many things that are just like, that's normal.

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[00:31:20] Krista: Yeah. Yeah. you really do have to decipher. And again, I love that you used the word practice, you said a while ago. it's a practice. And I think that's really important to pull a that nugget first because boundary work can be two steps forward and five back.

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[00:32:07] Krista: A five-year-old again, it happens. Mm-hmm. It's happened to me. It's happened to all of us. Mm-hmm. So, again, chucking the word perfect and just leaning into this is a practice. When I wake up in the morning, every morning I do my daily practices. They're not fancy, they're very simple. But I do them because it's not a one and done, it's a practice.

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[00:32:49] Krista: We don't go to the gym when we haven't been there in three years and start picking up 20 pound weights and start cranking out bicep curls. Wake up the next morning and expect that we're going to have a sculpted bicep. It doesn't work that way. And I love sharing that. 'cause people are like, yeah, that resonates like that.

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[00:33:28] Krista: So it is hard. Let's just validate that right. Relationships will fizzle. Let's just acknowledge that. But knowing where you stand and knowing at the end of the day that you are in integrity with yourself, there is no sweet or freedom as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Folks will not always appreciate and love your boundaries.

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[00:34:16] Krista: Right. The me back, gosh, probably two, three years ago, maybe even a year ago, wasn't quite as willing to enter in some of those hard conversations. Yeah. So I became very, and that's why I really wanna speak to this rigidity, this black and white piece, because, In today's world, it's really easy to cast people off to the side.

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[00:35:09] Standing in Conflict

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[00:35:19] Meredith: We're born into a society that is, it's the norm to be codependent, to be people pleasing, like especially as women, it's just like you can't even beat yourself up because. We're born into it. Yeah, everyone's born into it So I think it's just one of those hurdles that people are like, oh, I don't know.

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[00:36:01] Meredith: Yeah. 'cause it's like that first hurdle and going back within, just like you said, there is no sweeter freedom than coming home to yourself. Yeah. And being that is, that's when you're free. Yeah. not saying it doesn't hurt, not saying that, oh wow. That was a little scary conversation. But I stood for myself depending on, What you share, where that person may go with it.

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[00:36:46] Krista: Trust me. Yeah. But it's a predominant, that is like a, what would you call it? Like a known thing for most women. Mm-hmm. It's nervous system wise, what we had to do to keep ourselves safe. Right. Bottom line. Right. So can you have compassion for that part of you? can you have compassion toward your nervous system that has fought so diligently for you and worked so hard for you?

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[00:37:19] Krista: But just being willing to stand in the face of conflict, which again, So often we're not willing to because all of that somatic stuff comes up and all of those stories come up and our nervous system flares up moving us into those states of fight flight freezer fun, and we just want a kowtow and oh, it's easier to just not say anything, or it's easier to just cast this friendship aside.

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[00:37:51] Meredith: Exactly. And they may say, I, it's so important and being prepared, it's their free will choice. They may say no. Yep. And that's okay. They may say, well, I just don't wanna do that. Yeah. And it's, yeah, it's like an evolution in. having conflict and being there with yourself is really when you just have this practice of boundaries and asserting them.

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[00:38:20] Krista: exactly. You are building so much beautiful self-confidence. Confidence. Self-worth. Resiliency. Every time you advocate for yourself, every time you speak your truth, you are standing for you. And that has to matter. And that's truly what the heart of boundaries is,

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[00:38:44] Meredith: Right. So the heart of boundaries, one thing, one thing you could recommend, all people start today and one thing they stop today. To help them honor their boundaries and make that shift they want in their lives.

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[00:39:03] Krista: Oh, one thing, they start today and one thing they stop. Okay, so let's start with this. 'cause this is really tangible, really tangible, and it's practical and it's simple.

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[00:39:43] Krista: Till Friday, whatever, you're going to give yourself the space. Sometimes I say no too quickly, like that can be a real thing too. Still, I struggle with that once in a while, a little bit. So this assignment is great for people that say yes too quickly and then all of a sudden, five minutes later, there's the resentment because yeah, they couldn't stand for themselves.

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[00:40:35] Krista: What are you sensing when you imagine yourself saying yes to that opportunity? What comes up for you when you imagine yourself saying yes to that opportunity? Is there something else that maybe needs to get put to the side that you're willing to do that without the resentment that you're actually okay with?

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[00:41:21] Krista: There's no reason why I can't do that. And here's what I'm willing to do.I'm gonna table something else so that I can say yes to this opportunity. Now that I've thought about it, but so often we are just living in autopilot mode. We don't even give ourselves the opportunity to check in, so we're gonna stop saying yes or saying no too quickly, and we're gonna give ourselves the gift of space.

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[00:42:14] Krista: So we are going to start by putting breathing alarms on our phone. Again, this is really simple and easy. I'd recommend starting with four breathing alarms, one in the wow, maybe mid-morning, maybe one. Late morning one sometime in the afternoon, maybe one early evening, and when that breathing alarm goes off and you can name it something fun in the little memo, like I call my, I call mine pause and reset.

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[00:43:09] Krista: 'cause much of the day we're actually running around in sympathetic nervous state like fight or flight because we're breathing in our chest. And that automatically triggers a fight or flight response. So your body is already so much of the day in this hypervigilant state. So what we're doing is we're pushing that breath down into the belly.

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[00:43:55] Krista: So we're gonna start by breathing and we're gonna stop. No more auto yessing or auto knowing, depending on what you're working on.

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[00:44:09] Krista: slowing down. Yeah. Really.

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[00:44:13] Krista: are. It's, I know it in, when people ask me, when I get interviewed, when I teach, they ask us a question similar to yours, and I'm always like, oh my gosh, is this actually what I'm gonna share?

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[00:44:48] Krista: Now, in today's world, I. have not met anyone yet who's running from a saber-tooth tiger. But we are running or fighting a lot of things like our critical boss, or the guy that cut us off in traffic. Or the conversation that we're still ruminating on from book club last week when somebody said something that deeply hurt us.

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[00:45:48] Krista: Yeah,

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[00:45:53] Krista: It does not at all. 'cause when that breathing alarm goes off, you're gonna say, screw it. I don't want to, this weird woman I heard on a podcast told me to breathe and I'm sitting in the dentist chair and I am not breathing. And trust me, I've been there like, I have totally been there.

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[00:46:22] Krista: Deep belly diaphragmatic breathing. I love it.

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[00:46:28] Meredith: Well, I also have an announcement and it's our next question. Hmm. It is our finale. Oh. Biohacking with art question. Are you ready?

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[00:46:44] Meredith: are all. You're a

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[00:46:48] Meredith: you?

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[00:47:06] Krista: oh man. Have to say, oh boy. The power of boundaries and the art of owning who you are. If I could express that in any medium, Yes.

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[00:47:27] Krista: Could be. Well, I wanna say, but it's not actually the answer I'm gonna go with, I wanna say watercolor just because I took a beginner's watercolor class like a month ago. So I'm like, oh, we definitely fun, love. But I really think what's coming through so strongly is movement dancing. Oh, I actually have a playlist.

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[00:48:20] Meredith: indeed. It is. And it takes something to even have the courage. Yeah.

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[00:48:33] Meredith: Yeah. Just wave your freak flag high. Yeah. Is what I say. For sure.

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[00:48:39] Krista: And I definitely do. If you could see me,

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[00:49:09] Meredith: And of course we're gonna list all this in the show notes, but I just

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[00:49:30] Krista: Mm-hmm. Is really important to me in our current culture for reasons that we won't get into, we could do another podcast about that. But those are the places that I do like to share some things of what I'm learning and what I know and what I've learned. And yeah, I don't even like to say teach.

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[00:50:10] Meredith: I do all the time.

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[00:50:13] Oh,

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[00:50:18] Meredith: It's awesome. So thank you. I definitely like you're my. I don't even watch the news or any of that crap. I watch you.

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[00:50:33] Meredith: because it is a sharing because it's what do you want the news?

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[00:50:48] Meredith: what's going on.

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[00:51:02] Krista: Mm-hmm. I do. I do. Yeah. There's a couple social media accounts that I follow that Know that I, that I. Trust and my husband is on those, some of those platforms news more, I'll pick his brain to see what's going on. And it just seems like when I need to know what's going on, I know what's going on.

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[00:51:44] Krista: Totally.

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[00:52:09] Meredith: And remember, as always, the truth will set you free. We will see you all next time. Bye.

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[00:52:40] Meredith: YouTube or on Apple Podcast and pick up a signed copy of my book about how I healed myself from endometriosis on my Instagram at Meredith w Ochoa. Thank you so much for listening and for having the bravery to face your shit and heal yourself.